Everyone’s always complaining about something. Maybe once you get old you just lose that filter or whatever, you know…the one that makes you zip your lip and stop moaning about every little thing. They do it in a nice sort of way most of the time, but otherwise it’s all ‘I need this done, right now’, all the time. It’s exhausting, but…I guess they’re paying to be here.

Like last night. That one REALLY got me, because it came out of the blue and I was getting ready to go home. There’s this lady, Jemima, and she used to be in charge of sourcing really fancy furniture for rich people. That was literally her job. Anyway, I was fixing her heater while she was telling me all about Melbourne’s designer lighting industry and how she was the queen on home fashion styles. Wasn’t really listening, to be honest with you. And then she suddenly starts ripping into her room lamp like it had starting making really bad hand gestures and insulting her grandkids. Saying it was this ugly thing that the home had put in there and it didn’t fit with the décor.

Funny thing was, I could see what she meant. No, not because I’m some person all concerned about home styling or whatever, but…well, Jemima has her room all pretty and decked out or whatever. It looks like a showroom, and this lamp was sticking out. So of course like an idiot I said I’d see if I could find her a better one. You know when you need batteries for the remote so you run around the house trying to steal them from somewhere else? That’s kind of what I was doing with this stupid lamp. Except I kept stealing them from various rooms, she’d reject them for being ugly and I’d go and find another one.

Eventually I just brought back in the original lamp, saying that I’d find a better one tomorrow, but Jemima said it was perfect. The original lamp. Come to think of it, her eyesight isn’t great. So, that was my Friday night adventure in Melbourne home lighting solutions. Yay, fun.

-Abe