We all know that one person. You know the one…or, like, you will once I describe them. They always have WAY too much energy, like they’re constantly on caffeine. But it’s worse, because they always get up on the absolute right side of the bed and thinks everyone needs to “SMILE!” and “SMELL THE ROSES!” I don’t even know what that means and I hate roses. Why would you like a flower that stabs you? People bring them in all the time and I’m always getting injured by those stupid things. But this person, Bernice…wow. Like, take it down a notch.

She’s new as well. Just came last month and already she’s organised an exercise, fitness and sporting club for all the old folks. And the staff if they want to get involved, but, like…I think everyone’s a bit afraid of Bernice and her energy. Like, every day she’s lugging medicine balls and cricket nets through the door, singing random snippets and songs and working the elderly folks during their exercise routine so hard I think we’re going to have a heart attack epidemic. I mean, like…dang. Before, we had a daily walk. Like, just a walk. Now Bernice is out there lugging around sports netting like she’s going to put up our on stadium, brick by brick, and hold massive sports tournaments. And that lady can really talk people into anything, so, like, we could have Channel 11 here with some major product placement deals on the side.

No one can be that cheerful and energetic without something to hide, right? I can’t even talk to her; makes me feel like she’s about to snap and go all axe killer crazy, or just strangle me with her bare hands. But hey, whatever. So long as her arms are full with sports netting, she can’t wrap them around my neck.

-Abe