plumbing contractorI HATE PLUMBING.

I can do loads of stuff, yeah. I’m really good, in case you hadn’t noticed…like, I can patch a hole in a roof faster than you can say ‘woah, is that a leak?’

I can do repairs on most stuff, even if it’s electrical. But plumbing? That garbage is best left to people with a degree. It’s, like…my natural enemy. Maybe it was that one time that I think I mentioned when I got my arm stuck in the pipe. I really remember telling people they should call in a plumber. That old maintenance guy might’ve been a jerk and a criminal, but he had a pretty good list of contacts. There was a Melbourne plumbing contractor on there, I’m sure. But nope, it was all ‘Abe can do it! He’s been on the job for like five minutes, it’s fine!’ Yeah, well, it wasn’t. For reals, it wasn’t fine. It was the opposite of fine. There are better ways to spend four hours than with your arm trapped in a pipe.

And then there’s all the plumbing stuff that you just need to study now. There’s not one kind of piping, there’s like…fourteen. Make one mistake and everything just explodes, things flood and people get really angry. Like, it’s a bit of water, whatever. Gertrude found that out the hard way, but she was the one moaning all the time about the gurgling. That’s called pipes doing their thing, Gertrude. You got the corner room, deal with it. But no, Abe will make the pipes quieter, because that’s how plumbing works! Five minutes into the job and there’s enough water on the floor to send Gertrude sailing down the stairs on her bed like it was a boat.

Sooo yeah, plumbing can stay away from me, period. Need a quality plumber in Melbourne somewhere, I can call him in. Like, me, talking on the phone, something I hate. I’d rather do that than do plumbing by myself.

-Abe